Access Denied

Access denied, sorry I’m closed
All the wishing in the world can’t change that
Let me make this crystal clear, I’m tired of being sorry
You can push and pull all you want, but these doors won’t open
Some doors revolve while others are one way only
Guess which one I’ve become?
Look I can’t let you in again, that’s just the way it is
Don’t waste your time watching out for me
You watching over me is something that I just don’t want anymore
There’s no need to erase what’s already been forgotten
All your shallow words, dirty jokes and mind games are out of my system
Save your breath, you’ll need it
You can’t take it, you can’t speak
I know that you sit & stare in hopes that I’ll come near you
Forgive my silence
But anything I have to say to you just can’t seem to make it outside my veins

I don’t know you so I can’t miss you
You can live with me in your life if you want, but I’m living just fine without you
Your name exists outside my dreams
I don’t dream of you then again I never did
So the more things change, the more they stay the same
You can’t stay; I’m on my way to places that you could only imagine
I’ve got no plans of smiling your way, so keep your glances to yourself
Nothing burns like friendly fire, I know
You’ve shot me down so many times
You’re over me while I’m under your memory, like all the other things you’ve left for dead
This may not be true, but it’s easier to believe somehow
With time this mistake might fade away, but not likely

This is not how I feel; this is how I feel that you feel about me now
I know you’re not that crazy about me these days
I don’t know what’s going on inside after leaving you alone for so long
But I can imagine and I do everyday
Everything seems blacker than black these days
Or maybe that’s just the way I see things, not black or white, but black and blacker

It’s odd how this all made sense in my mind
Maybe one day I will know what I was possibly thinking
I don’t expect these feelings to go away; they’re always knocking me down
I’m not saying that I’m hopeless, I just don’t want to be the reason you hope less
I don’t want you to care less because of my careless actions & words
I’ve never thought for a second that you weren’t strong
I’ve always thought that you were too strong to need me
I don’t want to bring you down, that’s why I don’t hang around
You can, will and already are so much more than I could ever dream of
I want your dreams to be blindingly bright, so I won’t soak up any of your sun
I know that my scars have become me, but I hope that yours will heal
And with that hope in mind I ring your bell
Not in hopes that you will open up and let me in, but in hopes that you will let others in
Cus they aren’t me and they won’t do to you what I did
So hello goodbye, my access has been denied 

 

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Categories: Poetry | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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