If there is one thing in this life that I’ve rarely experienced, it’s having a crush on someone. Sure I had a few in Grade School, like my first girlfriend Ashley (puppy love) who was my best friend from since grade 3. In High School I became a bit of a “crush whore” when my A.D.D. crossed signals with my “You’re pretty cool & hot” meter. But at some point I stopped crushing on girls all together.
“I’ve developed this ability to look at women and say, sure she’s hot, but I don’t really care.”
Maybe it’s because I spent a lot of time around girls, so I just kept myself in check.
Maybe it’s because I lost interest in people and just wasn’t interested in what they were selling.
Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to know them.
Or maybe it’s because I knew them too well and I just couldn’t see them in “that” way.
Now I don’t know about you guys, but for me a crush is that moment where you just become enamored & infatuated with someone. It’s that unrelenting attraction to their every detail, flaws and all (unless you’re the type that blanks out/ignores all flaws). A crush is that person that either brings out the best in you or makes you turn into a tongue-tied fool. When you can’t stop thinking about that person and you value what they say to the Nth degree, you DON’T have a problem, you have a crush.
Whether you wear rose-colored glasses while looking at your crush or not, at some point you just reach a point where you either erase that person from your mind or you get to erase whoever they’ve got eyes on and you get to show them how perfect they are. I’m not gonna get into all of that “unrequited love” stuff because crushes aren’t “love” to me. When you have eyes for nobody else but that one person, you feel like you couldn’t love or want anyone any more without driving yourself crazy. Tunnel vision sure is a bitch, isn’t it?
At what point does someone stop being “not like the rest” or “not just anybody”?
What makes you so special?
Now that my crush has faded I don’t really think any less of the person, it’s just that my expectations and my reality finally sat me down and said,
“Boy she’s great, but so are you and someone’s looking at you the same way you’re looking at her. It’s time to move on.”
At some point I just came to this realization that no matter what I said or did to her, I still wouldn’t be the person that she wanted. She wants someone to say the things that I say and do the things that I do, but when she looks at me, she’ll see him and yearn for his affection, almost like a reflection of my very situation. It’s funny to know how someone feels inside because you can see yourself doing the exact same thing they’re doing.
The funniest part is that I didn’t even sexualize her, I just enjoyed the strength of her character, her wit and her smile. As odd as this sounds, I didn’t want to do her, I just wanted to know her deeply. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. A crush is a nice sentiment, it’s nice to feel something for someone on that level. A crush really is a compliment to the recipient of your attention. Quite honestly, there must have been something special about her though because I don’t crush easily.
Either way, I’m over it and I let her know it too. Yes, I told her that I had a thing for her…. after the fact (which apparently makes me an ASS, go figure). Although I’m sure I’ve said it over and over in various flirtatious ways. But anyway, it was an experience.
“You’re so sexy, you’re so crazy, I ain’t met no one like you baby. Nobody’s perfect, but you just might prove me wrong. Look past the surface and you’re still beautiful.” – Travis Garland
P.S. My last poem, “Fever Dream” was about the dream that woke me up from my infatuation. It was a very pleasant dream, but it wasn’t enough and I knew that that dream was as close as I’d ever get to the real thing. I was hoping for more, but someday dreamers just have to wake up. It’s all good though, this doesn’t make me feel any like any less of well….anything.
Here’s a new song by Justin Timberlake entitled, “Words I Say”.