tend like to “over share” and I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind completely unfiltered.
My coworkers and friends have grown used to this
behaviour syndrome of mine.Some call it “Tourette’s syndrome“, while others call it “My brand of random honesty”, although I think it’s more like a full blown case of “self diagnosed Aspergers” a la Sugar Motta (from Glee), so I can pretty much say whatever I want and as funny as most of my quick-witted insights may be, I’m usually NOT joking. I developed this skill during my acting days in High School where I could say something absolutely funny totally straight-faced or say something serious in a joking manner, and to this day I still use it to great effect.
1 Blonde Moment (playing dumb) + 1 Sarcastic Remark =
“I need your help, I’m having a (screen) resolution problem.” – Work Mom
“It’s not even New Years and you’re already having resolution problems! I’ll see what I can do about your screen and your lack of commitment.” – Me
“Boy, I could just…. You like messing with me, don’t you?” – Work Mom
1 Opening Statement + 1 Cheeky Statement =
Earlier today this conversation unfolded after I turned off the lights in an office that was no longer being used:
“I’m anal retentive about lights, I always turn them off when I’m not in the room.” – Me
“Yeah I’m pretty anal retentive about that kind of stuff too usually, but I’m getting old…” – Scarlet
“So you’re saying that you’re becoming senile? I understand.” – Me
A coworker burst into a laughing fit upon hearing this and cannot continue typing.
“I walked right into that one and I was hoping that you wouldn’t say anything.” – Scarlet
“No such luck. Sorry.” – Me
And just in case you’re thinking, “What an A-hole!”, I also do this when talking about myself.
1 Cold/Headache + 1 Concerned Work Mom + 1 Honest Remark =
“Are you okay hun? You sound horrible.” – Work Mom
“Yeah I have a cold, I’m really out of it.” – Me
“You sound really stuffed up.” – Work Mom
“Yeah I’m totally full of shit. – Me
Blank stare from Work Mom.
“I mean snot, I’m totally full of snot. Whoops!” – Me
Laughter ensues for a good minute.
“Oh you’re funny! That made my day hun. But seriously..” – Work Mom
“I am full of shit, but today I’m more backed up with snot. I’m going home early (today).
I can’t take it any more!” – Me
With the amount of stuff that comes flying out of my
ass mouth, I could probably write a pretty good comedy script.
All jokes aside, it’s just my way of saying what I really think without being too negative/critical, which is why I like to add in a bit of humour. So if you’re around me and I lay a zinger on you, don’t take it personally and NO I don’t have a condition (at least not as far as I know…yet). I just don’t like biting my tongue (it’s such an unsafe practice).
The scary part is that I don’t even say all of the things that come to mind.
So if you catch me grinning and I’m NOT throwing out a one-liner, you should be more worried about what I’m NOT saying.