The New Deep

Is this the new deep or just the new desperation?
I know that you would have done all of this in a day, meanwhile I’m still struggling to find my way.
I took too long although I can’t take this much longer.
So I turn my attention to the little things and do what I can for now.
These off white walls are just fine by me.
They, like me just need a touch up to bring everything back to life.
I’m done with darkness, no more black mirrors or states of mind.
All is well on the other side.

I moved on to get away from it all, so why do I find myself wanting company more than ever before?
Who do I know better than you?
I worry that I’ll amount to less than a thought & that gut punch is what bothers me the most.
Why do I give myself away without question for others, just to hold myself back when I should trust in myself the most?
I grow tired of this mystery.
Yet in this mystery I am making my own history.

Every time a thought feels the same as the kind of pain that has no name, I hold my head and wonder why oh why.
Where do I go now?
I go home to be on my own, to start over before facing the world again.
I could use the company, but I’ve grown used to being on my own, without feeling alone.
I’m done with darkness, I just don’t feel the same.
I am falling into the grace of the unknown.
Even when it’s me against the world, I’ll find that light standing out in the depths of the darkest night.
As I rest my head, down is the new deep.
Everywhere there is darkness, there is also light and tonight I am proof of that.

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