Bottom of the Barrel


I don’t want to die at the bottom of the barrel.
Hitting rock bottom is a heart-stopping wake up call.
This is the kind of fear that keeps me up at night.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I feel so low that I feel like getting high.
Not that I ever would burn myself out for cheap thrills.
But with the days counting down, doing something crazy seems oddly appealing.
At wits’ end in the middle of the busy city, it’s easy to see homes in dark alleys.
I don’t know how you do it, I’m no good when I can’t breathe.

The dead always lie face up towards heaven or high hell whenever we say goodbye.
Don’t watch me while I’m face down passed out from exhaustion.
Need some shut-eye cus my eyes burn from all of the disappointments I try to leave behind.
Good dreams & sweet things come to when I don’t expect anything.
But I’m always left with anticipation when I hope for more from my dreams.
Maybe not questioning what I’ve got is the key to being easy-going,
but I’m not going to get far like that.
I don’t know how I’m going to do it.
I’ve never been good at asking for help, but I’ve got to keep it real.
Throw fear aside & cast your eyes on tomorrow.
On the shoulder of simply security, feel safe while you rest.
Is this how you get through it?

Money is the only answer when you’ve got a rooftop over your head.
No one questions what we do behind closed doors because it’s not their jobs.
So you can keep telling me those little things that you wish would come to life.
And so we end up coming back to dreams of yesterday & lighter things.
Your kindness is my light in the dark.
Whenever I wake afraid & alone,
I see you by the window rocking back & forth looking towards the sky.
Only you & I know what I’m thinking about at times like these.
Silent conversations translated by the arms of those that hold onto me as though I were their dream.
Is that you reaching for me through that black & white sadness?

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Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Bottom of the Barrel

  1. Iā€™m catching up again on blog posts. Thanks for your patience! šŸ™‚

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