You only live once, but with that one life you can affect the lives of so many people. I’m not talking about on a global scale, but rather on a personal scale. When you walk into someone’s life you can change things as they know it or you can leave them exactly as they were. How you choose to do that is up to you (and them).
I am not always the most responsible person when it comes to the effect my words or actions can have on someone. I like words because they have definitions & those do not change. Actions however can change course, they can alter direction & shift things in a split second. Words & actions have such great impact on people that it is almost frightening to speak or move sometimes.
I don’t try to convince people of anything, I have never been one to push or force my views on anyone. So what do I do when I have to convince someone that I am worth keeping in their life?
I sit back, close my eyes & breathe in everything that has happened, because I know that the next thing I say or do has the power to change her mind; and that isn’t an easy thing to do at all.
You see, I don’t want to change her, in fact I am the one that needs to change. She needs to know that I value & respect her. I do as I say & yet what I’ve said isn’t good enough for her to do anything with. It’s not about feelings, this is about belief. Belief says that I have given you reasons to trust that I will do what’s neccessary, what’s right. Feelings say this is what is happening right now & hopes that it will last.
So here goes:
There is a disconnect & I think it started with me.
I hung up & ended something before it had even started.
Somewhere between loss & certainty you will find me laying.
I am at a loss for words because I don’t know where to start.
And I am certain of nothing when it comes you.
You do not want to be understood, but you need to be respected.
And I simply do not feel this way.
Feelings, what feelings, who needs to feel anyway?
I could stop & simply walk away.
Never look back & go my own way.
There was no history to build upon, only passion bonded by bodies & laughter in the night.
You have everything that you need, so what need is there for me?
There is none, I am not needed nor wanted.
I go nicely with cold days & sleepless nights.
I stay where you lay, unless I leave to find you all over again.
My mind says it’s complicated.
Your past says this is nothing new.
Our hearts still say nothing, because they have never been used.
This isn’t about feelings, there hasn’t been enough time for that.
This isn’t about promises made out of desperation & sewn together with apologies.
This is about finding reason to push beyond what you know & what I’ve been.
I am tired, but still I’m trying to find something.
Something new, something different, or better yet, something true.
The truth never changes even when we do.
I could be cut off from all emotion & still I’d pour my heart into you.
If not with words than with warmth & patience that only comes with time.
I could jump through a thousand flaming hoops, but I’d rather set myself on fire.
I could leave & call this nothing.
But instead I stay awake as I try to get closer to you.
For what it’s worth, I haven’t met anyone quite like you.
And I don’t think I ever will again.
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