What you see, depends on how you see the world. Our outlook on life is based on our experiences & as much as the events of the past may dictate how we presently react, it really shouldn’t. Just because one Black person screwed you over, doesn’t mean that every Black person intends to screw you over.
Generalizations & stereotypes only serve to act as “self-fulfilling prophecies”. You believe that something will happen, so your focus unconsciously shifts into seeing or making it happen.
You can’t go around expecting everything to fail, because in the end it will fail, because you kept finding ways to make it do so. That’s like saying, “MOST OF US ARE PROGRAMMED TO FAIL, no matter how much we want to succeed.” Sometimes having no expectations & simply seeing what you can make of things is the only way to approach new situations.
Consider this, why did things fail? What can be done to prevent that from happening again? And what are you willing to do?
You can’t expect things to change & not try to change things with your own hands.
What Kills A Relationship?
ABUSIVENESS:
I’m not just talking about damaging physical or emotional abuse. I’m talking about other forms of abuse, such as put-downs, sarcastic remarks, other negative comments, withholding affection, refusing to talk, or threatening to leave.
DEFENSIVENESS:
This behaviour cuts you off from an extremely valuable source of feedback & insight.
If you routinely shut out this valuable source of feedback, by always trying to defend your actions & point of view, you will damage your relationships by not letting others contribute to you. It’s crazy I know, people actually want to make you better. You will continue to commit the same mistakes, over and over again ad nauseam, until both you & the other person gets tired of this.
Ben Franklin once said, “The sting of another’s criticism usually comes from the truth in it.”
CERTAINTY:
Whatever else you do, always remain certain that whatever you think, feel, or believe MUST be true. Never let doubt or contradictory evidence creep in. Never ask for guidance or support from others. And above all else, never admit to any shortcomings that might make you appear weak, stupid or human.
Always make it seem as though you know exactly what you are doing (even when you don’t have a freaking clue). This will insure you never learn anything new or different. It will also guarantee that people who want to love you will get totally frustrated with their efforts to help you succeed and be happy.
What Builds Up A Relationship?
CLARITY:
It’s very important for you and others to clarify (that means communicate with each other openly and honestly) expectations, feelings, beliefs, passions & the like. Please don’t assume that you know your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or desires, and don’t assume he or she understands yours either.
Always spell things out so there are no misunderstandings. And don’t mistake understanding for acceptance, I can understand something & still not like it.
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.
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The Wandering Mind 