Posts Tagged With: company

Withdrawal


Constant contradiction like withdrawal from an addiction.

Constant contradiction like withdrawal from an addiction.

Lay your head down.
Don’t be afraid to drown in the warmth of this caress.
Retreat from your body while we lose track of time.
This is not something you think about, it’s something you simply feel.
Your touch is a good kind of high.
And every time we get low you find some way to blow my mind.
Even when you can’t take no more, you yearn for it all the same.
Constant contradiction like withdrawal from an addiction.
You want it all the time & you don’t even know why.
Take comfort in taking chances.
Find rest in light of this caress.
Don’t hurry your mind.
Don’t worry your time.

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Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Missed Messages


Why am I watching movie marathons alone tonight when I know that you are free?
I saved the last piece of pie for you pumpkin.
These arms are wide open although this heart is reaching closing time.
Now the color of my shirt matches the colors I bleed when I see everything in black & white like I do tonight.
The more I try to connect, the more my feelings are lost than found.
You’d know this by now if you actually listened to a word I said.
There’s no more messages for you to miss.

There’s no use in holding onto half empty bottles of red wine when company’s not coming.
I’ve lost all feeling in my fingers so don’t hold on to me.
Not that it’s your fault for missing the clues I’ve left for you.
I’m a mystery whenever you see me because I’m done hoping for what I can’t have.
I’ve let it go & there’s no point in asking for directions to places that no longer exist.
Somewhere inside I cannot find a feeling that I got from you.
I’m right here where I’ve always been, and for once it’s not a shame.

Show me something that I can believe.
Give me something that I can hold.
Be with me without being told.
Music’s playing but no one’s dancing on the floor.
Where’s my partner at?
Conversation isn’t supposed to make me feel alone.
I can’t retrace how we got here.
Now that I’m out of range, there’s no going back.
There’s no more time for me to lose.

It’s not a phase, leaving messages is harder than it seems.
We keep repeating ourselves but nothing’s getting any easier.
One of these days saving our words won’t save us from anything.
Although it’s just a button press away, it’s still a damn ironic tragedy.
Somewhere inside I cannot find a feeling that I got from you.
These feelings have been diluted by wine & maybe that’s why I’m feeling more than fine.
I’m done dreaming about somebody missing me.
We still have dreams, but they’re not the same.
I guess I’m over the things I yearned for yesterday.

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Quotes: Rest Less Disturbed




Categories: So Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rollover Minutes & New Companions (Who Gives A Bleep?)


Imagine for a second what it would be like if conversations worked the way phone conversations did. Service charges simply for using your time & resources (mental/emotional). Early Cancellation fees for bailing on your contracts/relationships. Being billed per minute or per word & let’s not forget about “rollover minutes”.

How on Earth would “roll over minutes” work?
Because I recently had a conversation that felt so one-sided that I couldn’t help but to think, “If I save up enough words will I be able to use them during our next conversation (assuming we even have another one)?”

Oddly enough that thought didn’t make me chuckle. I was drained & I could hear it in my voice whenever I managed to speak. My monotone replies spoke volumes for me, I wasn’t invested in this exchange of words.

26 minutes. That’s how long it took for me to realize how bent out of shape I am. Notice I said “bent”, not “broken”. I felt somewhat neglected & like I was being avoided & they knew it.

This “unrequited conversation” bothered me because normally I love talking with this person & I would have loved to make them feel good, but my head & heart just wasn’t feeling it. Normally I’d let them dump their load on me (excuse the euphemism), so that we could have a more positive conversation. But this time all I could muster was “yeah”, “uh huh”, “hmm, really?” & a few questions followed by dead air.

Dead air doesn’t happen for the sake of drama, dead air happens when no one knows what to say next. It’s uncomfortable. I had just absorbed so much of what was said & was trying (& failing) to balance that with what I was feeling/thinking. So I said nothing.

Eventually they asked me how my day was and all I had the energy to say by that point was, “Yeah… Nothing happened. I’m okay, don’t worry about me. I don’t know when I’ll see you again, so just call me once in a while so that I know you’re still alive. That’s all I really need since you’re busy.”

Our conversation ended with them saying, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

To which I replied, “Yeah, call me back whenever.”

20 minutes. That’s about how long this person went on & on for. I get it, you needed to vent, we ALL do. I let you say your piece, hoping that you would tell me something that would be important to US.
You are not a bad person & I’m not mad at you, I just don’t know what to say to you right now. I’m sorry.

6 minutes. That’s the combined length of time that I spoke for (approximately). I wanted to say more, but what was the point? You were going through so much that I felt guilty about even expressing how I really felt. That is messed up, I know.

I don’t want to be a dick or an ass about this, but I’ve had enough. I need some time to myself, or with other people that really want to make time for me. Maybe I’m being selfish or petty or immature. Imagine what I would be like if I was all 3 of those things at the SAME time.

*Stops & thinks for a minute*

Hmm, that could be quite fun actually.
Anyway, I want my 26 minutes back, but I can’t have that since I’m not a Time Doctor & I don’t have a DeLorean.
Speaking of which, have you seen “Doctor Who’s” new female companion or heard the rumors of a “Back to the Future” remake?

A new female companion (for a guy on a show I don’t even watch)!?
To that I say, sure why not.

A CG DeLorean!?
To that I say, why mess with a classic?
Back away from the car & young Michael J. Fox (AKA Marty McFly)!

For now I’ll enjoy some dinner & some company.

“I took in the most that I could.
I never imagined that I would be feeling so misunderstood…
Why even bother, just leave it alone.” -Alexz Johnson (Skipping Stone)

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Categories: Stories & Rants | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Solidarity


It’s amazing how something bad can bring so many good people together.
When you’re doing the right thing you won’t lose an second of sleep cus the ideals that you keep, keep you secure.
No worries, just reasons.
When your ride or die crew drags you down, I call that “negative solidarity”.
If your entourage takes up space & won’t lift a hand to help; leave.
If you’re not all in, get out.
Far out of your mind cus you’re not the only beautiful mind in the room.
It’s amazing how something bad can bring so many good people together.
The people you keep company with are a reflection of who you are & who you aim to be.

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Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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