I came to an odd realization that I probably already discovered in my teens but somehow forgot.
I have little to no problem talking to women that I’m NOT romantically interested in.
So here are the basic equations:
Female Stranger = Minimal risk
Female Friend = No problem / No risk
Attractive Female Stranger = Medium risk / Just need an opening and I’ll be fine
Attractive Female Friend = Small problem / Minimal risk (yeah she’s pretty, but she’s also the person I make fun of & confide in)
Female I’m Romantically Attracted To = Maximum Carnage!! (I become my tongue-tied 14 year old self all over again. Abort ALL missions! Avoid talking to at all cost)
“Conversations lead to interrogations.”
Flawed logic, I know, but it makes sense in some messed up way. The more I talk, the more what I truly feel rises to the surface. The rush of attraction, building expectations, unrealistic dreams & the need to confess all come cascading in to make a glorious mess. As a “shy” person who used to be introverted, I find that sometimes I just can’t win. I can speak easy, but then I choke once in a while.
Sometimes I can make a “Hail Mary” pass & save myself…. from myself. It’s like wearing a mask while talking to someone you’re close to (or would like to be close to). Everything I say is veiled in double meanings, white lies or distractions.
Then there are those rare moments when I don’t need the mask at all because I can just tell that the woman I’m with gets it. She knows. She knows how I feel & she isn’t running for the hills or acting like her phone isn’t in service until she needs something. It’s in those moments where speaking my mind seems freeing instead of frightening.
I find it oddly funny how easy it is to express things to someone that encourages it wholly. None of that “You can tell me everything. Except for this… That & the other.”
If we knew what the ground rules were for each person, wouldn’t things be so easy?
Anyway I was at Indigo Books earlier today, sitting down next to a stack of Stephen King novels reading. I was deeply absorbed in “The Art of War” & trying to apply it to dating, because war is the only thing I as a man can understand (sarcasm).
So I’m reading when I see from the corner of my eyes, this cute petite mixed Asian girl with long brown hair sit in front of a bunch of books that are stacked right next to me. The books jutted out of place and fell. She got embarrassed & I said with a smile on my face (at least I think I was smiling):
“Don’t worry, that’s been happening all day. I think Charlaine Harris looks good on top of Stephen King anyway.”
We picked up the rest of the books that fell to the ground together. She thanked me & I told her about how I saw “New York” (by Edward Rutherford) fall to my left like a bad game of Jenga as some kid lost his balance. We chatted for a bit in our seats when she told me about the book she was getting for her boyfriend. As if on queue he magically appears and asks what happened. She tells him & then hands him “A Song of Fire & Ice” from the Game of Thrones series.
Then he sits down where she previously sat & a book slides out. Right before it drops I stop it with one finger & push it back into place. Then I say:
“Who knew books could be so dangerous. Things are falling all over the place .”
They both laugh and she calls him a “klutz”.
So what if she had a boyfriend, I spoke with her and it was fun & easy. That experience put me in a good mood. Although I was already in a good mood due to something fun and completely random that I had done earlier.
Life is full of random experiences, you’ve just got to take your shot when it comes your way.
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