Nothing feels the same. I feel like I think too much. When it all becomes too much, I walk past familiar places into the unknown. I found somewhere I could hear your voice. I stay till the Sun goes down.
All these dreams started with you. You saw the good in the little things. Waking up in a world without you feels false. You truly had so much love to show. Everything felt right in your light.
The night sky puts my doubts to rest. The stars dance when I say your name. Remind me I’m not alone. We had all the time in the world. But this world is not enough.
The world may change, but it’s alright. I will never be the same, but it’s alright. It’s not what I want, but it’s what you need. I’ll always know how to find you. And in finding you I find myself.
When the Sun goes out in your eyes I miss the you I’ve grown to love.
I get nervous when you’re gone.
I hear your voice, but you don’t feel the same.
Where did you go?
I’m reaching in the dark for the light in you.
Look at me when you feel out of touch.
Stay with me.
I will never let you go.
When your thoughts are not your own, know that you are not alone.
I don’t know all the answers, but you, I do know.
Find yourself in this quiet moment with me.
We’ve been here before in this familiar feeling.
You lost yourself in your search to find something you left behind.
I saw a glimmer of someone I used to know in your eyes.
A picture painted in our precious memories.
Never surrender who you are, don’t lose that spark.
Give me your pain until you know the meaning of love.
Rescue these fragile dreams and start again.
With or without directions find your way.
Come back, come back to me.
Have you ever felt like you didn’t have the right to feel the way you do?
When everyone around you seems to be having the time of their lives it feels wrong or selfish to admit that you’re not. You are truly happy for them, but whatever is going on in your life is weighing you down so you can’t fully commit to the moment. That’s how I felt a few days ago.
I attended my Nephew’s wedding and I couldn’t fully enjoy the moment with him and our family. I smiled, cracked jokes and I really am proud of him, but part of me was and is still distracted by this tinge of sadness.
Our cat Sundae had a stroke and died Friday while I was on my way to the wedding. Learning of her death while I was at this momentous occasion filled me with this odd mixture of happiness and grief all at the same time. I’m smiling while I’m on the verge of crying, and hugging my family all the while thinking about hugging my friends/roommates who were there at Sundae’s time of death. Life is funny that way.
In the same day I was able to embrace my family in a moment of pure joy and then hold my friends as we sobbed and mourned together at our mutual loss. Happiness turned into sadness and then frustration by the end of the day. The highs and lows of life are not lost on me.
I wanted to write about this earlier, but I figured who was I to talk or write about a little loss? I don’t want to distract from or steal anyone’s joy, so I didn’t message or call (typical). Don’t worry I’ve got Netflix, junk food and tea, so I’ll be fine. We will all be fine eventually.
I just needed to air out a few thoughts. Thanks for reading, if you’ve made it this far.