Posts Tagged With: magnificent bastard

To The Blower-uppers

Why do people do things to their pets that are just so WRONG?
Like putting them in clothes when it’s not cold & they have plenty of fur.
Or as I witnessed today, blow air up their bum. Yes, I said blow (air) up their ass.

I have a friend that craves attention from her dog and when he straight up ignores her as if she didn’t exist, she sneaks up behind him and blows like she’s making a birthday wish up his unsuspecting posterior.

And the part that confuses me even more than her actions, is her reaction to his reaction.
Picture this, you watch as she blows hot air up her pet’s “rear exit” and it barks and then tries to bite the *bleep* out of her.

How did she expect him to react?

I told her, “I can’t blame him for wanting to take a chunk out of you as if he were Mike Tyson & you were Holyfield knocking the poop out of him.”

She didn’t see where I was coming from, so I said, “How would you like it if someone blew up your cute ass?”

She paused.

“Think about it. Unless you get off on that kind of thing, chances are you’re not gonna like having your taint air dried.” I said.

To which she replied, “How would you know Stephen?”

I stared blankly at her for a few seconds.

Eventually I felt a smirk grow on my face as an idea found its way into my head, and I asked her, “Why don’t we find out? Why don’t I blow air up your ass & you tell me if you don’t feel like biting, slapping or cussing me out?”

We burst out laughing.
After catching her breath, she said, “What makes you think I’d want you to blow up my ass?”

And I said nothing. I just shook my head & smiled at her.

I have to wonder what other weird thing people do to their pets for kicks… Or to their significant others. But I won’t open that can of worms.

“To the blower-uppers.” –Marty Kaan (House of Lies)

Side Note:
I just finished watching “House of Lies” season 1. Fantastic show, cast & writing. Each character is such a “magnificent bastard” (a term normally reserved for Lionel Luthor from Smallville), whom I love & hate at the same time because they do such horrible things so well and hilariously. Can’t wait for season 2… In 2013!? Sigh.

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Categories: Stories & Rants | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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