Imagine for a second what it would be like if conversations worked the way phone conversations did. Service charges simply for using your time & resources (mental/emotional). Early Cancellation fees for bailing on your contracts/relationships. Being billed per minute or per word & let’s not forget about “rollover minutes”.
How on Earth would “roll over minutes” work?
Because I recently had a conversation that felt so one-sided that I couldn’t help but to think, “If I save up enough words will I be able to use them during our next conversation (assuming we even have another one)?”
Oddly enough that thought didn’t make me chuckle. I was drained & I could hear it in my voice whenever I managed to speak. My monotone replies spoke volumes for me, I wasn’t invested in this exchange of words.
26 minutes. That’s how long it took for me to realize how bent out of shape I am. Notice I said “bent”, not “broken”. I felt somewhat neglected & like I was being avoided & they knew it.
This “unrequited conversation” bothered me because normally I love talking with this person & I would have loved to make them feel good, but my head & heart just wasn’t feeling it. Normally I’d let them dump their load on me (excuse the euphemism), so that we could have a more positive conversation. But this time all I could muster was “yeah”, “uh huh”, “hmm, really?” & a few questions followed by dead air.
Dead air doesn’t happen for the sake of drama, dead air happens when no one knows what to say next. It’s uncomfortable. I had just absorbed so much of what was said & was trying (& failing) to balance that with what I was feeling/thinking. So I said nothing.
Eventually they asked me how my day was and all I had the energy to say by that point was, “Yeah… Nothing happened. I’m okay, don’t worry about me. I don’t know when I’ll see you again, so just call me once in a while so that I know you’re still alive. That’s all I really need since you’re busy.”
Our conversation ended with them saying, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
To which I replied, “Yeah, call me back whenever.”
20 minutes. That’s about how long this person went on & on for. I get it, you needed to vent, we ALL do. I let you say your piece, hoping that you would tell me something that would be important to US.
You are not a bad person & I’m not mad at you, I just don’t know what to say to you right now. I’m sorry.
6 minutes. That’s the combined length of time that I spoke for (approximately). I wanted to say more, but what was the point? You were going through so much that I felt guilty about even expressing how I really felt. That is messed up, I know.
I don’t want to be a dick or an ass about this, but I’ve had enough. I need some time to myself, or with other people that really want to make time for me. Maybe I’m being selfish or petty or immature. Imagine what I would be like if I was all 3 of those things at the SAME time.
*Stops & thinks for a minute*
Hmm, that could be quite fun actually.
Anyway, I want my 26 minutes back, but I can’t have that since I’m not a Time Doctor & I don’t have a DeLorean.
Speaking of which, have you seen “Doctor Who’s” new female companion or heard the rumors of a “Back to the Future” remake?
A new female companion (for a guy on a show I don’t even watch)!?
To that I say, sure why not.
A CG DeLorean!?
To that I say, why mess with a classic?
Back away from the car & young Michael J. Fox (AKA Marty McFly)!
For now I’ll enjoy some dinner & some company.
“I took in the most that I could.
I never imagined that I would be feeling so misunderstood…
Why even bother, just leave it alone.” -Alexz Johnson (Skipping Stone)
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