Close The Door

Woke up this morning knowing nothing.
I had a dream but reality is far from the same.
I’m restless & reckless without regard for the past.
I think I left the memories with my dreams, because I’d rather be there than here.
With certainty I could be confident or at least care-free.
I just need more time to find my way.
I’m not asking for second chances, life isn’t a video game.

One more day to take away the doubt in your mind.
Can’t define this feeling that is so hard to find.
When this moment’s gone, the memories will still fill the room.
I get why you want me gone, I suppose that I knew it all along.
Slow to pull the trigger although we both know that action means everything.

I’d say “call me maybe,” but that’d be the wrong thing to do.
You say you “love me too,” but somehow that just doesn’t feel the same.
I don’t know how to let you know just how much I need you.
I want you to know my heart when it’s not bogged down or empty.
Not that you ever knew, but my anchor was you.
Whenever you’re around I’m at ease, no expectations or trite love games.

I had a dream that used to be lucid.
Solitude sure was nice while it lasted.
I’ve never had it all, but I was fine with this little piece of paradise.
I’ve got nothing but the rest of my days.
That’s why I have to close the door on this chapter & walk away.
Maybe there’s an answer out there for me.

Bottom of the Barrel

I don’t want to die at the bottom of the barrel.
Hitting rock bottom is a heart-stopping wake up call.
This is the kind of fear that keeps me up at night.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I feel so low that I feel like getting high.
Not that I ever would burn myself out for cheap thrills.
But with the days counting down, doing something crazy seems oddly appealing.
At wits’ end in the middle of the busy city, it’s easy to see homes in dark alleys.
I don’t know how you do it, I’m no good when I can’t breathe.

The dead always lie face up towards heaven or high hell whenever we say goodbye.
Don’t watch me while I’m face down passed out from exhaustion.
Need some shut-eye cus my eyes burn from all of the disappointments I try to leave behind.
Good dreams & sweet things come to when I don’t expect anything.
But I’m always left with anticipation when I hope for more from my dreams.
Maybe not questioning what I’ve got is the key to being easy-going,
but I’m not going to get far like that.
I don’t know how I’m going to do it.
I’ve never been good at asking for help, but I’ve got to keep it real.
Throw fear aside & cast your eyes on tomorrow.
On the shoulder of simply security, feel safe while you rest.
Is this how you get through it?

Money is the only answer when you’ve got a rooftop over your head.
No one questions what we do behind closed doors because it’s not their jobs.
So you can keep telling me those little things that you wish would come to life.
And so we end up coming back to dreams of yesterday & lighter things.
Your kindness is my light in the dark.
Whenever I wake afraid & alone,
I see you by the window rocking back & forth looking towards the sky.
Only you & I know what I’m thinking about at times like these.
Silent conversations translated by the arms of those that hold onto me as though I were their dream.
Is that you reaching for me through that black & white sadness?

I’ve spent the last five years trying to Inception your wife

Too funny.

That line got me thinking, how many people have you Inception banged?

I’ve had that experience & it doesn’t bother me until I dream of a close friend.
Once that happens I feel so awkward that I just have to tell them.

No, not for dirty reasons. Get your mind out of my gutter!

I just do it to get it off my chest before I hurt myself while trying to avoid them.

Quote: Resistance

“Your resistance just proves that we’re on to something.” – Ruth Maloney (Infinity Inc.)

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Absolution

After active self-denial there is absolute self-recognition. We all go through it. Acceptance of who we are and the situation we are faced with comes with time.

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