Posts Tagged With: questions

Double Double Mondays (Belief & Reality)


Adhedonia: Comes from the Greek word Hedone, meaning pleasure. Adhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure.

Not being able to find satisfaction, or reward in anything. Losing interest in everything because its just lost its punch. Pleasurable experiences drive us to strive for more. Sure we can survive with very few pleasure experiences to draw from, but we need something to fuel us.

When you observe someone giving up & avoiding things, it’s because their mantra is out of focus & they now think, “What’s the point?”. Even things that usually give them joy like music, dancing, writing, laying in bed or sex don’t quite connect with them or fill them like it once did. Sometimes people go to extremes to feel something because the usual just isn’t cutting it while their mood is dampened & numbed by whatever is weighing them down. “Stimulation Seekers” push the limits past the norm in order to feel even an iota of what they would usually feel.

I sometimes feel like I’ve been sleeping through my life, missing out on things. I’m beginning to think that my bouts of Insomnia are linked to anxiety caused by the urge to do something instead of just waiting. “Making something happen instead of just letting it happen.”, seems to be my new mantra these days & I think it’s affecting both my waking & sleeping. I’ve got to plan, I’ve got to look out, I can’t relax until this, that & the other thing are DONE. I don’t flip out or anything, but when I’m wide awake & all I can do is sit back, look out & think to myself, it makes me hunger to actually be doing something because things are moving along too slowly, I’m not moving fast enough & at the same time I tell myself, “I can’t do everything. Not right now, pick one thing and move on from there.”

I’m still trying to figure out what motivates me to do the things I do (for myself & others). My passions are changing & so are my goals. I’m not trying to change “who I am”, I just want to be sure of something before I do it, so that when it is finished, I will be satisfied not only with my actions, but with the end result.

Belief & reality are seldom perfectly matched. What you think is sometimes a better predictor of your future performance than any measure of your skill or capacity. Disclaimer: That being said, no amount of self-confidence can produce success when the necessary skills just aren’t there at all (just saying, it had to be said).

One thing is for sure, my love of writing & artwork is getting me through some of these dark days. Things naturally always look better after I’ve written & read through my own thoughts. Even without input or comparison from someone else, I feel better knowing that I can identify or at the very least question something freely.

I think I’ll continue reading “Identity Crisis“, I haven’t read that in ages & then I’ll get back to my search.

Oh, and I’m drinking coffee for the first time in 2 months. I really don’t drink this stuff often & I know that I ONLY do it when I’m really out of it, or when I’m about to do a lot of work. Can’t wait!

UPDATE:
I originally called this post “Double Double Tuesdays” because I have never been a fan of Mondays, and “Double Double Tuesdays” just rolls of the tongue a LOT easier.

Come on say it with me, “Double Double Tuesdays”, now say “Double Double Mondays”.
Monday has a hard “Mm” sound to it, like it’s an angry dictator, or like you’re questioning it, “Mmm-on-days?….. Nah!”

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Categories: Health and Wellness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Quote: Confidence


“Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers, it comes from being open to all the questions.” – Earl Gray Stevens

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Suppress


I wish that I could be honest with myself & you.
The urge to say what I’m feeling gets suppressed by you.
My consideration for your situation, no my need to sacrifice my wants for your immediate needs has to stop.

I can’t stop thinking about you, but can you say the same thing about me?
It seems as though you can go for days without thinking of me.
To have such a beautiful letdown at your hands is disheartening.
I’m used to being lonely, but it doesn’t mean that I want to be alone.
I’d call, but I know that you won’t answer or return the favor.

Silence is frightening & uneasy when you’re waiting for an answer.
Your silence differs from mine.
Your silence confirms what I already knew & my silence feels its way through towards a conclusion.

Some decisions are thought through while others are fully felt.
I want to speak with you about where we are.
Not where we are as in location, but ‘where’ as in relation.

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Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Boy Next Door


He’s been closer to you than you ever knew. He was always passing through your orbit, like a satellite. He was never the most popular guy at the party, but he was the one you always remembered. For some reason everything seemed to get better the closer he got to you. And one fine day your paths finally crossed for more than a second. You found a fiber of something to connect to.

Over time he went from always being next door to being next to you; inseparable. He answered when you called, listened when you spoke & always left you wanting more. You wanted to be more than a thought & you knew that he had become more than a friend. Early morning wake up calls & late night chats were second nature; you were the first voice he heard in the morning & he was the one that put you to sleep at night. You thought of each other, felt for each other & saw something in one another than no one else could see. He respected you & you could tell. He never asked you for anything other than your company, and maybe you wished that he would.

He loved you & you could feel it, he didn’t have to say it, and yet he did. Time & time again he loved you with his words, with glances, with his embrace & through his actions. He saw your scars & called them beautiful & he embraced your flaws while poking fun at you. Throughout all of lives changes, he stayed the same, so that what you had would never change. So what happened?

Everyone talks about the “girl next door”, but who remembers the “boy next door”?
Whatever happened to him?

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Quote: Negatives


“I learned working with the negatives makes for a better picture.” – Aubrey “Drake” Graham (HYFR)

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Categories: So Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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