Stalemate

stale·mate  (Noun)

1. A situation in which further action is blocked; a deadlock.
2. A situation in Chess in which no progress can be made or no advancement is possible; “reached an impasse on the negotiations”

A complex or critical or unusual difficulty; “the dangerous situation developed suddenly”; “that’s quite a situation”; “no human situation is simple”.

Synonyms:
Deadlock, impasse, standstill, dead end situation

Sometimes dating is a “Stalemate”. You’re damned if you make a move & you’re damned if you leave things as they are.

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Real Talk: Lend Me Your Ear

“A guy that lends his ear to girl’s talk isn’t a man.” – Whitney

Pause.

Hold up. Could someone please explain that statement to me.

If she means that any guy that a girl talks to as though she were talking to one of her girls is NOT (seen as) a man, I could understand that.

But Whitney did not say that & upon asking her what she meant by that statement she said, “Girls talk to their girlfriends, not their men.”

Fundamentally I see something wrong with that way of thinking. And then I thought about times when women consult with other women about things rather than just asking the guy directly what’s going on.

*Raises hand*

Am I missing something?
Or am I just niave about how relationships & women work?

Now I’m not assuming that my friend is the “Spokeswoman for Women Everywhere”, but I’m sure she isn’t the only girl that thinks that way. And I am not trying to convince her of anything, I’m just wondering why that “logic” seems to be so…. prevalent or natural.

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Behave Yourself

Your beliefs don’t make you a better person. Your behavior does.

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Rollover Minutes & New Companions (Who Gives A Bleep?)

Imagine for a second what it would be like if conversations worked the way phone conversations did. Service charges simply for using your time & resources (mental/emotional). Early Cancellation fees for bailing on your contracts/relationships. Being billed per minute or per word & let’s not forget about “rollover minutes”.

How on Earth would “roll over minutes” work?
Because I recently had a conversation that felt so one-sided that I couldn’t help but to think, “If I save up enough words will I be able to use them during our next conversation (assuming we even have another one)?”

Oddly enough that thought didn’t make me chuckle. I was drained & I could hear it in my voice whenever I managed to speak. My monotone replies spoke volumes for me, I wasn’t invested in this exchange of words.

26 minutes. That’s how long it took for me to realize how bent out of shape I am. Notice I said “bent”, not “broken”. I felt somewhat neglected & like I was being avoided & they knew it.

This “unrequited conversation” bothered me because normally I love talking with this person & I would have loved to make them feel good, but my head & heart just wasn’t feeling it. Normally I’d let them dump their load on me (excuse the euphemism), so that we could have a more positive conversation. But this time all I could muster was “yeah”, “uh huh”, “hmm, really?” & a few questions followed by dead air.

Dead air doesn’t happen for the sake of drama, dead air happens when no one knows what to say next. It’s uncomfortable. I had just absorbed so much of what was said & was trying (& failing) to balance that with what I was feeling/thinking. So I said nothing.

Eventually they asked me how my day was and all I had the energy to say by that point was, “Yeah… Nothing happened. I’m okay, don’t worry about me. I don’t know when I’ll see you again, so just call me once in a while so that I know you’re still alive. That’s all I really need since you’re busy.”

Our conversation ended with them saying, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

To which I replied, “Yeah, call me back whenever.”

20 minutes. That’s about how long this person went on & on for. I get it, you needed to vent, we ALL do. I let you say your piece, hoping that you would tell me something that would be important to US.
You are not a bad person & I’m not mad at you, I just don’t know what to say to you right now. I’m sorry.

6 minutes. That’s the combined length of time that I spoke for (approximately). I wanted to say more, but what was the point? You were going through so much that I felt guilty about even expressing how I really felt. That is messed up, I know.

I don’t want to be a dick or an ass about this, but I’ve had enough. I need some time to myself, or with other people that really want to make time for me. Maybe I’m being selfish or petty or immature. Imagine what I would be like if I was all 3 of those things at the SAME time.

*Stops & thinks for a minute*

Hmm, that could be quite fun actually.
Anyway, I want my 26 minutes back, but I can’t have that since I’m not a Time Doctor & I don’t have a DeLorean.
Speaking of which, have you seen “Doctor Who’s” new female companion or heard the rumors of a “Back to the Future” remake?

A new female companion (for a guy on a show I don’t even watch)!?
To that I say, sure why not.

A CG DeLorean!?
To that I say, why mess with a classic?
Back away from the car & young Michael J. Fox (AKA Marty McFly)!

For now I’ll enjoy some dinner & some company.

“I took in the most that I could.
I never imagined that I would be feeling so misunderstood…
Why even bother, just leave it alone.” -Alexz Johnson (Skipping Stone)

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The Economy of Words (A Word With You)

What Did You Just Say?

Sometimes I think too many people in the world are making too much pointless noise with their mouths. All the crap that’s uttered when so little is really said. Me, I only speak when I feel I have something to say, and after that, I will fall silent again. Unless I’m joking or messing around with you, there is little to no need for me to overstate things or string together things just so I can hear my own voice. Even if you know everything there is to know about a topic doesn’t mean that you should talk about it to no end.

Gandhi’s autobiography has a full chapter about his own shyness, called “Shyness My Shield.” In which he states:

“My hesitancy in speech, which was once an annoyance, is now a pleasure. Its greatest benefit has been that it has taught me the economy of words. (…) Proneness to exaggerate, to suppress or modify the truth, wittingly or unwittingly, is a natural weakness of man and silence is necessary in order to surmount it.”

In other words, don’t speak just to hear your voice. Give your words time to mean something, let them sink in before you drown someone in an ocean of “Blah Blah Blah” as Ke$ha so elegantly put it in her song. Silence doesn’t have to be awkward, it’s just a pause, a breath in between what was said and what is being taken in. So take that time to let someone else interject a.k.a. give their two cents. I only say this because someone who I speak to on a semi-regular basis has a habit of ranting and raving on with no end in sight, and I have to wonder why sometimes. Sometimes you can communicate how you feel a lot quicker and clearer just by choosing the right words and delivering them with the right tone or pacing. What you say matters, but how you say it matters more.

If words were like the air that we breathed, would you waste them?
Pick your words carefully. Each word is ammunition, so use it well and make it count.

Ready. Aim. Speak.

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