Quote: Talents

“Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”
– Henry Van Dyke

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Check out this guest article of mine over at The Narcissist’s Blog, with Teri Jensen. She got me to write something that wasn’t a poem; it takes a rare woman to do that. Please peruse through her insightful blog.

What’s Mine Is Yours Apparently

Want some?

So I’m at Starbucks minding my own business with my laptop on my lap as I’m leaning back on my chair, tilting it on an angle, with my back against the wall. I’m typing away on my laptop and I reach over to see that my drink, my Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, isn’t where it should be.

My white, frothy chilled drink has magically made its way into the mouth of this short, blonde, British girl who is wearing torn leggings under her jean skirt & has iPhone headphones in her ears.

You’re pretty. Is that my Grande in your mouth?

My drink is to my left, which is her right, while her drink is on her left. Our drinks look completely different & mine is a Grande, while hers is a Venti.

Hey I don’t mind sharing my goods, anyone that knows me knows this. I’m easy-going.

So she puts my drink down & I look at her & smile. We lock eyes & she smiles back at me for a second before she turns her attention back to her laptop. Hey I’m sure she doesn’t have Cooties or Mono, so I didn’t bother making an issue out of it.

Everything tastes better with you.

I get up & come back with a new straw & I put it in my drink. Yes, there are now 2 straws in the drink just in case she wants to act like we’re a couple & wants to continue getting to know me & my Grande. Weirder things have happened, I’ve experienced them.

She doesn’t even flinch as I do this. She doesn’t look up from her laptop. NOTHING.
Her phone vibrates & she answers it. She then shuts down her laptop while chatting away in her cute accent (what accent?). She takes her laptop & her drink as she leaves.

Let me repeat that, she takes HER laptop & HER drink as she leaves.

I watch her leave & I had to wonder, did she even realize what she had done?
Was she just trying to play it off or was she just completely absent-minded?

In the club I’d take that as an aggressive flirt, but in this case it comes off as an absent-minded “Flavor of the Week”.

Did you want something?

So here’s to me & my good taste!

What’s mine is yours. My drink, my attention & my number.

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Facebook Politics

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I’ll “like” a post before I’ve even read it and then I read through it & think:

“This is horrible! Why would you say something like that!? I don’t agree with that at all, BUT I already liked it… Its too late to “unlike” it, everyone will know!”

When in reality no one beside the poster will notice a damn thing. But my panic is in overdrive when people do this to my posts:

Like. Unlike. Like.

If I happen to be viewing this anomaly as it happens, all I can do is scream at the screen saying:

“Quit messing with my feelings! My feelings… Its a “Like” button, not a Clit, you press it once & forever hold your peace! I will find you!”

And after calming down I just assume that WordPress/Facebook was lagging, so the button was pressed repeatedly. Or maybe, just maybe you can’t decide if you love or hate this post. And that makes me giggle.

In the real world Facebook politics would & probably have gotten somebody killed.

Poking:
Why are you poking me man!? You know I don’t roll like that. What are you poking at anyway!?

Girl why are you poking me, you know my girl is gonna snap when she sees you doing that to me? But you poke me so good girl.

(Why are you poking me, do you want my attention or do you want me to poke you with something?)

Like Button
Do you actually have something to say? I was asking a question & all I got was a “Like”, what am I supposed to do with that?

I am in pain & you “Like” that!? You are some sick *bleeps*!

(Some things are not meant to be “liked”. Some things need an answer or comment as opposed to an absent minded button press.)

Sharing
That was meant just for you girl & you shared it with EVERYBODY. Why would you do that?

(Have you ever shared something you weren’t supposed to?)

Tagging
I’m calling you out man! You were here with that girl at this bar at this time.

Oh… Oh wait, sorry, you didn’t want your business put out there like that. Whoops! Too late bro, I think that she knows. Oh, oh, she knows, she knows! My bad!!

(If you don’t want people knowing where you are or you are a cheater this feature will mess you up SO fast!)

Status Updates
Relationship Status: Its complicated with Teri Jensen

Status: I can’t stand U sometimes!

1 hour later…

Relationship Status: Married to CDN Stormlover

Status: Girl you are so fine, you know you got it like that. I LUV u boo.

10 minutes later…

Relationship Status: Single

Status: I hate when bitches bitch about other bitches bitching. Why are U putting my business out there @Teri Jensen!? GOD, some people!

I’m making a PB&J sandwich & then hopping on Twitter!

(The truth of the matter is you put your business out there & got caught cus you are dumb! And I don’t care about your sandwich or Twitter since you use Facebook as though it were Twitter anyway!)

It’s no freaking wonder people get into fights over dumb shit on Facebook or “Stalkerbook” as its also called.

Sigh…

What’s your Facebook beef?

P.S. Teri & Lee were just used as examples. No one was harmed during the making of this post (yet) & all examples were works of fiction or based on other peoples misfortunes, not my own (yet).

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