Have you ever felt like you didn’t have the right to feel the way you do?
When everyone around you seems to be having the time of their lives it feels wrong or selfish to admit that you’re not. You are truly happy for them, but whatever is going on in your life is weighing you down so you can’t fully commit to the moment. That’s how I felt a few days ago.
I attended my Nephew’s wedding and I couldn’t fully enjoy the moment with him and our family. I smiled, cracked jokes and I really am proud of him, but part of me was and is still distracted by this tinge of sadness.
Our cat Sundae had a stroke and died Friday while I was on my way to the wedding. Learning of her death while I was at this momentous occasion filled me with this odd mixture of happiness and grief all at the same time. I’m smiling while I’m on the verge of crying, and hugging my family all the while thinking about hugging my friends/roommates who were there at Sundae’s time of death. Life is funny that way.
In the same day I was able to embrace my family in a moment of pure joy and then hold my friends as we sobbed and mourned together at our mutual loss. Happiness turned into sadness and then frustration by the end of the day. The highs and lows of life are not lost on me.
I wanted to write about this earlier, but I figured who was I to talk or write about a little loss? I don’t want to distract from or steal anyone’s joy, so I didn’t message or call (typical). Don’t worry I’ve got Netflix, junk food and tea, so I’ll be fine. We will all be fine eventually.
I just needed to air out a few thoughts. Thanks for reading, if you’ve made it this far.