Zookeeper Saves Tiny Monkey By Licking Its Butt Until it Poops. Seriously.
Earlier this week a zookeeper at Wuhan Zoo in China named Zhang Bangsheng put his tongue to work in a most unpleasant way to help a small monkey in need. The monkey, a Francois’ langur, is just three months old and is a very rare specimen. Thus, he’s worth going the extra mile for. (Not that all monkeys aren’t worth that, but you know what I mean.)
So Zhang Bangsheng takes care of this monkey, and several days ago he let him enter the monkey exhibit for the first time. The following day, Zhang noticed that the monkey had “indigestion and difficulty defecating,” and it was then that he noticed there were peanut shells on the ground in the exhibit. He realized that zoo visitors had tossed some peanuts to the monkey, and “the toothless monkey swallowed the peanut whole.” Eeeee. Zhang knew that if the monkey couldn’t pass the peanut quickly, it could be in danger of dying. So, he did what any professional would do, something that generated what is perhaps my favorite paragraph ever to be typed in the English language:
50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng used warm water to clean a small Francois’ Leaf Monkey’s buttocks, then began using his mouth to lick it, not stopping for over an hour, until the little monkey defecated a single peanut. Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction at his rare ATM experience.
*Queue “How To Save A Life” by The Fray*
Job well done, Zhang! Tossing monkey salad might just have created a new sub-genre of porn. You see, the monkey was too young to take medication, so the only way to stimulate it to poop was to lick its teensy weensy butt, but it takes a very dedicated worker to actually do that. I really, really hope they renamed—or at least nicknamed—this little guy Peanut. And let’s hope Zhang got a hefty bonus.
Tossing salad with the animal kingdom is cute, apparently (That ones for you Teri).
Remember kids, butt kissing, err… licking saves lives.
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