Posts Tagged With: retrospective



Hungover on my worries

When it rains it pours, and I can’t ignore the flood
Tension fills my lungs until I overflow
Tears run until I can’t see clearly
I’m afraid of these unwieldy emotions

Too far gone to know what’s real
The more I feel the more I panic
Holding on to moments that no longer exist
One foot in the past, one foot in the future unknown

Hungover on my worries
Tripping over fears that aren’t even real
Drowning in the bitter aftertaste of failed dreams
Twisted inside out, I’m a wreck before I’ve even begun

Never felt quite like this before
Holding in that which can’t be contained
Drunk off the pain of careless words piercing my skin
The tattoos on my soul show more than I can say

That’s when you told me to leave my pride on the pavement
Forget about who I’m supposed to be, and just be
When your mind is on fire wash away your doubts
Listen to your better angels until you’re sober

Hold on to who you know you are

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments


There is no cure without poison

Sins of the past feel better than they should
Forgiveness is the last thing on my mind
I like the pain I’ve tasted under the night sky
I’ve been wrong for all the right reasons
I don’t trust myself around you

Question my dreams until they’re real
Keep saying no to questions I’m not even asking
Speak bleeding heart, don’t stay silent
Check your fears at the door

Enjoying pain by the pound
Simple things don’t satisfy like they should
Failure is frightening, but nothing is worse
There is no cure without poison
The red in my veins gives me a little hope

I am better than this

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Mistakes Can Make or Break You

Let's make better mistakes tomorrow.

Let’s make better mistakes tomorrow.

You can’t make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake. It’s a decision.

You can’t make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake. It’s a decision.

Have I made my point yet?

Look, nobody likes making mistakes. Mistakes are part of being human. To avoid repeating the same mistakes, you need to understand the underlying reasons why & how it happened. It is our natural instinct to justify our actions. When you make a mistake, the initial reaction is to blame anyone else except yourself & when there’s no one else, we dismiss it & try to play it off.

We justify our mistakes for the sake of our own ego.

Often mistakes are caused by bad habits that we have unknowingly formed. To avoid making the same mistakes you need to break these bad habits. Sometimes that’s easier said than done.

Let’s make better mistakes tomorrow. Mistakes can be very educational in retrospect.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Categories: Health and Wellness | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Life Expectancy

Words & memories are the home of the heart. Words & what we choose to remember of them carry us through the days & nights. Whenever we want to free fall out into nothing, its because we’re so happy that we could fly, or because our life as we know it is ending. Each day we are born & we die anew by the words that we carry with us. We always seem to remember trivial things and yet we have such a hard time grasping the important things.

I’m the worst.

I forget about the world & my life until the moment the tip of my pen touches paper. I live through quotes & dreams, and for all of the good it does me, I continue to write myself into oblivion. Oblivion obviously isn’t all that I thought it was because I am still here writing as though my life were about to end, even though its barely begun.

When does life begin & when does it end?

The day I was born prematurely, is when the world would say that my life began.
When I was a rambunctious six year old that would hang upside down on monkey bars while trying to dribble basketballs, I felt so alive & felt as though anything was possible. Was that the day my life began?

Or was it when I was in grade 4, walking home on a rainy day with the prettiest girl I had ever known under my purple & blue umbrella while she hugged & kissed me?

Or will my life begin as I write my name in the sky right before I put an envelope containing my poetry in the mail box?

And when will my life end?
Did it end when my parents got divorced while I was four & a half?

Did it end when my Mother who was a nurse ended up bed-ridden in a hospital?

Does it end when I’m 70, with the love of my life & our daughter Layla by my side?

Or does it end when I go to sleep tonight?

Each day is like a page out of a story. For the longest time I didn’t enjoy my own story. But like any writer worth their word, I’ve found something worth telling. I wanted to back down, but I no longer know how to do that, so instead I’m going to do what I do best. I am going to write, not only about my life, but the lives of people who have come & gone, and somehow still left their impression on my life.
Yes, that’s what most people do on their blogs, and that’s probably what you thought I was doing all along. I was writing about bits & pieces of my life.

No, I’m not dying, if anything, I’m dying to live.
I’m alive and I will make sure that you never forget who I am, because I will never forget who I am, and I will never forget who you are.

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Categories: Stories & Rants | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Double Double Mondays (Belief & Reality)

Adhedonia: Comes from the Greek word Hedone, meaning pleasure. Adhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure.

Not being able to find satisfaction, or reward in anything. Losing interest in everything because its just lost its punch. Pleasurable experiences drive us to strive for more. Sure we can survive with very few pleasure experiences to draw from, but we need something to fuel us.

When you observe someone giving up & avoiding things, it’s because their mantra is out of focus & they now think, “What’s the point?”. Even things that usually give them joy like music, dancing, writing, laying in bed or sex don’t quite connect with them or fill them like it once did. Sometimes people go to extremes to feel something because the usual just isn’t cutting it while their mood is dampened & numbed by whatever is weighing them down. “Stimulation Seekers” push the limits past the norm in order to feel even an iota of what they would usually feel.

I sometimes feel like I’ve been sleeping through my life, missing out on things. I’m beginning to think that my bouts of Insomnia are linked to anxiety caused by the urge to do something instead of just waiting. “Making something happen instead of just letting it happen.”, seems to be my new mantra these days & I think it’s affecting both my waking & sleeping. I’ve got to plan, I’ve got to look out, I can’t relax until this, that & the other thing are DONE. I don’t flip out or anything, but when I’m wide awake & all I can do is sit back, look out & think to myself, it makes me hunger to actually be doing something because things are moving along too slowly, I’m not moving fast enough & at the same time I tell myself, “I can’t do everything. Not right now, pick one thing and move on from there.”

I’m still trying to figure out what motivates me to do the things I do (for myself & others). My passions are changing & so are my goals. I’m not trying to change “who I am”, I just want to be sure of something before I do it, so that when it is finished, I will be satisfied not only with my actions, but with the end result.

Belief & reality are seldom perfectly matched. What you think is sometimes a better predictor of your future performance than any measure of your skill or capacity. Disclaimer: That being said, no amount of self-confidence can produce success when the necessary skills just aren’t there at all (just saying, it had to be said).

One thing is for sure, my love of writing & artwork is getting me through some of these dark days. Things naturally always look better after I’ve written & read through my own thoughts. Even without input or comparison from someone else, I feel better knowing that I can identify or at the very least question something freely.

I think I’ll continue reading “Identity Crisis“, I haven’t read that in ages & then I’ll get back to my search.

Oh, and I’m drinking coffee for the first time in 2 months. I really don’t drink this stuff often & I know that I ONLY do it when I’m really out of it, or when I’m about to do a lot of work. Can’t wait!

I originally called this post “Double Double Tuesdays” because I have never been a fan of Mondays, and “Double Double Tuesdays” just rolls of the tongue a LOT easier.

Come on say it with me, “Double Double Tuesdays”, now say “Double Double Mondays”.
Monday has a hard “Mm” sound to it, like it’s an angry dictator, or like you’re questioning it, “Mmm-on-days?….. Nah!”

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Categories: Health and Wellness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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